Paulette's Comedy: Romancing the Shop

It is a Sunday night. The kiddo is in bed. I am settling into a Patricial Cornwell novel and my husband is working on race karts in the shop...




For the sake of this story, I will refer to my husband Hunnybun...



Hunnybun enters the living room and informs me he has "something in the shop me needs me to see." This is not out of the norm. Racing karts or cars for that matter, it is common to have parts broken or tires that are worn. I followed him into the shop to assess the damage from the weekends racing...



We entered the shop and I noticed the lights were off except for an incandescent bulb in the far corner. Hmm, that's odd, did a breaker trip? Before I could inquire, Hunnybun had locked the shop door and it was on! Clothes flying one direction, tool boxes in the other. His roll-around tool box will forever have an imprint of my butt on the top! Woo, that was fabulous! Whew! I grab a rag out of his "clean" basket - for obvious reasons - yes, this detail is important. I began to holler, Hunnybun, Hunnybun!!! He says, oh, you want more... No, No! Turn on the lights, something is on fire! I am on fire! He turns on the light and to my horror, I had grabbed a rag that was soaked with Mobile 1 motor oil and carburetor cleaner and had used it on my "business"! I ran into the house, hit the shower. I was so desperate I was throwing flour on the wet spot!



A Sleepless Night followed by a day at work.



I made my way to my office before my two co-workers arrived. Fortunately, from my office, I had direct access to the ladies room. I made repeated trips and finally decided I had to call my Ob/Gyn. This is the woman that delivered my daughter and knew how timid I was about discussing sex. In fact, I passed out in her office when she asked if I had returned to sexual activity after our daughter was born. No kidding, I bit the dust!



I conceded and called Dr. Anderson. It took a few minutes but I described the situation to the doctor. She howled.... I mean the BA HAHAHAHAHAHA kind of laughter. She said, You know, I think you should call Pep Boys, this is more their forte'. I wanted to crawl under my desk... She advised a medication and icing the area.



Descretion is of most importance. I had to have some relief and my numerous trips to the bathroom were being noticed by my co-workers. After one of my trips I decided I had to get some ice. I looked like I had wet my pants because I kept keeping cool, damp paper towels on the affected area... I made my way to the break area and filled a bag with ice. Then, I made my way back to my office. I sat behind my desk and place the ice between my legs... It was a moment of euphoria.... Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, relief.... I took in a deep cleansing breath and closed my eyes....



When I opened my eyes, my co-worker, Alice was standing beside me, looking bewildered. She said "Paulette, why do you have a bag of ice between your legs?" I took a deep breath, bowed my head, and then looked her directly in the eyes. And then, I replied "Hunnybun always wanted Eskimo Pie so I decided to would give it to him."