Paulette's Comedy: Strawberry Gel Mishap

Ladies,



How many times have you been just about to drift off into a deep sleep when you feel something slap you on the behind?



I do not mean a hand; I mean the other 'thing'.



It never fails. You doze off, and are opening the gates to dream land, when that one eyed snake taps you on your left butt cheek. Bye, bye dreamland... If you swat it away it becomes even more interested and even more persistent. The next option; thump it. Not really, but I thought I would say that to make you smile. :)



Seldom, and I mean seldom does Hunnybun get turned down, but now and again, it is nice to just sleep and not have to worry about taking another shower – Seriously.



Let's back up the hands of time a few years...



As some on you may know, I used to be so uptight, I could not even say sex. My OB doctor once made the comment that it "was a damn wonder I even got pregnant." So, as you can see, for me to make the next step and go into a "toy store" alone took gall of all gall.

Obviously, by the stories I have shared with you, my faithful reader(s), I am long out of my shell... Moving on...



Valentine's Day was near and even though we really do not celebrate the day, I decided it was a good excuse to visit "the store". I departed my office and made my way to the rendezvous spot. Because I did not want to be 'alone' I called my sister. The ruse was to make it look like I was picking up the item for her and not me. After all, I would never, you know...



I want into the store and am immediately stunned by what I see. There was this odd looking black costume with metal studs on it and then a pair of crotch less, lacy type garment. Is it not a waste of fabric to make a crotch less pair of underwear?? I am thinking chaff with a capital C!



I am uh huhing and uh huhing as I am browse the store for the item 'my sister' wanted. To my horror, I rounded the corner to see a woman with various cylindrical objects around her. She reminded me of the infomercial people advertising their products. All these things were buzzing, and carrying on like nobody's business. The best part was seeing men examining them.



Then, the shock of all shockers nearly made me pass out. In the corner was a black thing literally 3' tall and 10 centimeters in diameter. It was labeled as "The Auger". Dear God! Seriously? I stepped back every so carefully and decided I should get out of the store before someone decided to test something on me! Of course, I began to feel guilty, you know the kind of feeling you get if you use the bathroom at a gas station and do not buy anything; yeah, like that.



I decided I should at least buy something. So I grabbed this red bottle with a strawberry on it. This will work. I paid cash, made haste to my car and hid the booty; I mean gel, under the seat.



I was too embarrassed to tell Hunnybun what I had purchased so I hid it in his sock drawer - at the very back. One year passes, then another, then another...



About two years ago, I find it when I was straightening up his clothes. I laughed and reminisced and decided it should be ok to use because: A. it is sealed. B. It has been in a cool dry place (leave it alone) and C. It still looks ok.



Because I have deemed this item is safe to use, I decided to arrange a romantic evening with Hunnybun. Doodlebug is with my parents and the house is ours! Keep in mind, I am no longer uptight. (No pun intended)



We have a lovely evening. I show him the bottle of”Strawberry Flavored Gel" and he gets a twinkle in his eye. I put a bit on my finger and taste it. Ok, not the best but hey, I paid 9.00 for this and I want my monies worth!



One thing leads to another and all of a sudden Hunnybun's business quits working. What??? This has never happened. Uh Oh! I try to console him, these things happen... Let me tell you there is no consoling a man when Mr. Winky goes on coffee break. It is bad. It was a dark, dark day.



We have friend who is a urologist and I put a call in to her. While we waited I began to realize that my tongue was numb. This is odd. Hmmm. I wonder... I check my messages to see if the urologist had called back and sure enough she said she sent me an email addressed to "Mr. Johnson" Wow.



Before I checked the email I decided I should read the bottle of strawberry gel and review the ingredients. Upon reading the bottle, I realized I had overdosed my husband’s penis! I killed it! Ohhhhh Nooooo! The gel had a healthy dose of benzocaine and I applied too much of it! I overdosed his penis with benzocaine - hence the reason it went flat and refused to hold a salute!



I returned to the living room from our bedroom and found Hunnybun sulking. It was very sad.



I tapped him on the shoulder and said (with my numb tongue)



Unnyun, itfs, my ault.



He looked at me, tears in his eyes and then looked back down.



I said, "Unnyun I oke our enifff. Mmmm orry."



He told me to quit talking like I was mentally impaired. I grunted at him and said "Ere, ead, hiss!"



He read the bottle, looked at his 'business' and then looked at me. He then made me swear I would never, never buy flavored gel again. I have kept my word.



After contacting the urologist and regaining feeling in our respective body parts, there was much rejoicing.



We rejoiced; again, and again and again!